Betrayal: Gaslighting in Betrayal Trauma - How to Recognize and Protect Yourself
Betrayal Trauma Therapy | Emotional Abuse Recovery | Gaslighting Awareness
Gaslighting is one of the most damaging forms of emotional abuse—and it’s especially devastating when it happens in the context of betrayal trauma. Whether through infidelity, deceit, or manipulation, gaslighting can cause you to question your perceptions, beliefs, and even your sanity. It’s not just hurtful—it’s abusive.
Understanding the signs and learning how to protect yourself is essential to begin healing. If you're struggling to trust your own reality, you're not alone—and help is available.
What Is Gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where someone tries to convince you that your experiences, thoughts, feelings, or memories are inaccurate or invalid. In betrayal trauma, this often shows up when a partner lies, denies wrongdoing, or blames you for the very behaviors they’re guilty of.
The result? You begin to question your instincts, lose trust in yourself, and feel increasingly dependent on the very person who is manipulating you.
How to Recognize Gaslighting in Your Relationship
Gaslighting is often subtle, which makes it difficult to identify while it’s happening. However, there are emotional and behavioral signs you can look out for:
You make excuses for your partner’s behavior to yourself or others.
You frequently second-guess your own feelings and thoughts.
You ask yourself, "Am I too sensitive?" on a regular basis.
You feel confused, anxious, or emotionally unstable.
Your partner tells you what you’re thinking or feeling—and refuses to believe you when you correct them.
You feel a growing sense of unease or doom despite "good things" in your life.
You lie or withhold information just to avoid criticism or conflict.
You walk on eggshells around certain topics.
You mentally "prep" before your partner comes home, trying to avoid doing anything “wrong.”
You feel like you've lost the confident, happy, or relaxed version of yourself.
Tactics Abusers Use to Gaslight
Gaslighting is not accidental—it’s often a deliberate tactic to avoid accountability and control the narrative. Here are some of the most common strategies abusers use:
Blame-shifting: They make you the “problem” and cast themselves as the victim.
Discrediting your thoughts: You’re told your concerns are “just your imagination” or that you’re “overthinking.”
Undermining your support system: They may mock or discourage your therapy, support group, or coaching efforts.
Character attacks: Your personality traits, emotions, or past are used against you in arguments.
Creating Boundaries Around Gaslighting
Acknowledging that you’re being gaslit is painful—but it’s also empowering. Once you recognize the abuse, you can begin setting boundaries to protect your emotional and psychological well-being.
Some boundaries to consider:
Own your reality: You—and only you—get to define how you feel. If someone invalidates your emotions, disengage from the conversation.
Limit engagement: Refuse to participate in conversations where name-calling, deflection, or accusations occur.
Define what’s not okay: Clearly state that gaslighting or manipulation will not be tolerated in your relationship.
Boundaries are not about changing your partner—they’re about protecting yourself. And you deserve to feel safe, heard, and respected.
Gaslighting Is Abuse—And You Deserve Support
If your partner is gaslighting you, it’s emotional abuse. You may feel trapped or unsure of what steps to take next, but you're not alone.
If you’re experiencing gaslighting or betrayal trauma, therapy can help you untangle the confusion, reclaim your voice, and rebuild your self-trust.
Click here to schedule a free consultation and begin your healing journey today.