Codependency: Gaslighting Our Inner Child
Codependency Therapy | Inner Child Healing | Self-Validation
Codependency doesn’t begin in adulthood—it’s rooted in our earliest relationships. As children, many of us were emotionally neglected, dismissed, or made to feel our needs were a burden. Without knowing it, we internalized those messages and began treating our inner child the same way we were treated by the adults in our lives.
This often leads to a lifelong pattern of self-abandonment, self-criticism, and emotional dependence—where we look to others for love and validation we never learned to give ourselves.
Repeating the Past: How We Abandon Ourselves
When we don’t know how to nurture our inner child, we unconsciously repeat the very patterns that caused our pain. If we were punished or rejected for expressing emotions, we may continue punishing or rejecting our emotional needs today. We shut down our feelings, push ourselves too hard, or shame ourselves for not “being over it.”
We become emotionally dependent—not because we’re broken, but because we were never taught how to be emotionally safe within ourselves.
Gaslighting the Inner Child: When We Intellectualize Our Pain
A common coping strategy for trauma survivors is to rationalize or intellectualize pain. This is a form of inner child gaslighting, where we explain away our suffering instead of validating it.
Examples of self-gaslighting:
“My parents didn’t mean to hurt me.”
“They had it worse than I did.”
“I shouldn’t feel this way—it’s not that bad.”
But the inner child doesn't understand logic. They understand how they felt. And until we acknowledge that pain, it remains frozen—leading to emotional triggers, anxiety, or chronic shame.
Why Emotional Validation Heals Codependency
Healing begins not with justification but with emotional validation. We must acknowledge the unmet needs, unspoken grief, and emotional neglect we experienced, even if others meant well.
Instead of minimizing or excusing our experiences, we must say:
“I was emotionally neglected.”
“I didn’t feel seen or loved.”
“My needs didn’t matter.”
This is not about blaming—this is about healing. This process reconnects us with our authentic self and allows our inner child to feel safe, seen, and integrated.
Reclaiming Self-Worth Through Reparenting
When we stop gaslighting our inner child and begin offering the love, compassion, and safety we needed, we open the door to true healing. This practice of inner child reparenting allows us to move from codependency to emotional self-trust.
You don’t have to rely on the validation of others to feel worthy. You can give that to yourself.
This is where we step into empowerment.
This is where we reconnect with wholeness.
You can stop abandoning yourself. You can become the safe, validating presence you’ve always needed.
If you're ready to begin this healing journey, schedule a free 15-minute consultation to explore how codependency therapy and inner child work can help you heal, grow, and thrive.