Sex Therapy: Missteps to Avoid When Opening a Relationship

Sex Therapy

As the landscape of modern relationships evolves, more couples are exploring non-monogamy and open relationship structures. Whether you’re considering consensual non-monogamy (CNM), swinging, or polyamory, there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. But opening a relationship can come with unique challenges—and avoiding key missteps can make all the difference between deepened intimacy and emotional disconnection.

Here are some of the most common mistakes couples make when opening a relationship for the first time—and how to avoid them.

1. Lack of Communication

One of the biggest pitfalls is entering an open relationship without first having intentional, honest conversations. Changing the dynamics of your relationship requires more than permission—it requires clarity.

Talking through your desires, boundaries, fears, and motivations is essential. Without it, you risk misunderstandings, unmet needs, and even emotional distance. Holding back your truth to “keep the peace” may breed resentment over time.

Solution: Prioritize open dialogue from the beginning. Make space to express uncomfortable feelings, and remember that your emotional safety matters just as much as your partner’s.

2. Assuming One Conversation Is Enough

Once you've set boundaries and expectations, it’s easy to assume you’re all set. But real-life experiences often bring up unexpected feelings. That’s why continued check-ins are vital.

What sounds good in theory may feel completely different when you or your partner actually engage in outside connections. You may feel jealousy, insecurity, or even excitement you didn’t anticipate.

Solution: Normalize revisiting and adjusting your agreements. Think of your relationship as a living document—flexible, evolving, and built on mutual trust.

3. Comparing Your Relationship to Others

In the age of social media, it’s tempting to compare your relationship to other people’s seemingly “successful” open relationships. But what works for one couple may not work for another.

Each relationship is unique. You and your partner have different values, attachment styles, experiences, and emotional needs.

Solution: Build your open relationship on your terms. Let curiosity—not comparison—guide your journey. Focus on your connection and craft rules that honor your shared goals.

4. Believing an Open Relationship Will Fix Existing Problems

Some couples open their relationship in hopes of solving issues like boredom, lack of intimacy, or unresolved conflict. But if the foundation of trust, communication, or emotional connection is already shaky, bringing in outside partners can amplify existing issues.

Open relationships require a high degree of self-awareness, emotional regulation, and mutual respect. If you’re avoiding deeper relational wounds, non-monogamy may only mask the problem temporarily.

Solution: Before opening your relationship, ensure you’ve addressed core issues in the relationship. A sex therapist can help you explore whether open dynamics are truly a healthy next step or a form of avoidance.

5. Ignoring Jealousy Instead of Exploring It

Many people fear that jealousy means they aren’t “cut out” for open relationships. But jealousy is normal, and it often signals deeper emotional needs.

Suppressing jealousy or shaming yourself for feeling it will only intensify it over time.

Solution: Get curious. Ask yourself what’s underneath the jealousy. Do you need more attention, reassurance, or emotional closeness? Then, communicate this to your partner so your needs can be honored.

6. Rushing the Process

Jumping into sex with others without emotional preparation or clear boundaries can lead to disconnection or betrayal. While spontaneity has its place, open relationships thrive on intention.

Solution: Start slow. Consider small steps like online flirting or meeting others platonically first. Explore your boundaries together, and adjust them as you go.

When to Seek Help

If you’re navigating challenges in your open relationship or want guidance as you begin this journey, working with a sex therapist can help you build a secure foundation. Therapy offers a safe space to explore emotional triggers, set boundaries, and improve communication.

Thinking about opening your relationship?
Schedule a confidential consultation to ensure you’re navigating this transition with clarity, compassion, and confidence.