Infidelity Recovery with Gottman Method: Atonement, Attunement, and Attachment
Infidelity shatters trust.
Whether it was a one-time affair or a long-term betrayal, the pain runs deep—for both the betrayed and the betrayer. Rebuilding trust after infidelity isn’t about just saying “I’m sorry” and moving on. It’s about healing the wound together, step-by-step, with intention and emotional safety.
That’s where the Gottman Trust Revival Method—Atone, Attune, and Attach—comes in.
As a therapist trained in betrayal trauma and sexual recovery, I use this model to guide couples who are serious about repair and reconnection after betrayal. This isn’t about blame—it’s about rebuilding.
1. ATONE: Rebuilding the Foundation
The first step in healing after betrayal is atonement—the active process of taking full responsibility and offering meaningful repair. This is not a one-time apology. It’s an ongoing commitment to transparency, honesty, and showing up differently.
During this phase, the betrayer:
Answers difficult questions with empathy and honesty
Validates the pain they’ve caused without defensiveness
Avoids minimizing, gaslighting, or spiritual bypassing
Begins to understand why the betrayal occurred and what it meant
Meanwhile, the betrayed partner:
Expresses the depth of their pain and grief
Gets clarity and answers—without being blamed for what happened
Starts to rebuild their own sense of safety and power
Without true atonement, trust cannot be rebuilt. This step is essential—and often the most emotionally intense.
2. ATTUNE: Restoring Emotional Safety
Once the initial crisis has stabilized, we move into attunement. This is the heart of emotional repair. It’s about learning to truly listen, validate, and connect with each other.
This phase focuses on:
Rebuilding emotional intimacy and psychological safety
Developing skills for conflict management and healthy communication
Learning to stay present in difficult conversations
Naming feelings and needs—without retreating, attacking, or shutting down
Attunement doesn’t mean fixing everything overnight. It means learning to be emotionally available and responsive. Many couples discover, sometimes for the first time, what real emotional connection feels like.
3. ATTACH: Recommitting to the Future
Attachment is the final phase—where trust, safety, and emotional connection begin to stabilize. Here, couples begin to rewrite their love story with a stronger foundation.
Together, they:
Rebuild sexual intimacy in a safe and connected way
Create rituals of connection and safety
Re-establish commitment—not as a vague promise, but as a lived experience
Share long-term goals, dreams, and values again
By this point, the relationship isn’t just recovering—it’s transforming.
Who This Is For
This process is for couples where:
The betrayer is willing to do the deep work—not just apologize and move on
The betrayed partner wants to heal—whether or not they’re ready to fully commit yet
Both partners are open to professional support and emotional growth
This is not for couples where there is ongoing betrayal, stonewalling, or emotional abuse. Safety and truth-telling must come first.
How I Can Help
I guide couples through this process using a trauma-informed lens, integrating Gottman Method, EMDR, and Internal Family Systems when appropriate. This is tender, courageous work—and you don’t have to do it alone.
Ready to Begin Healing?
I offer a free 15-minute consultation to explore whether this approach is right for you. No pressure. Just a chance to connect, ask questions, and take the next step toward clarity.